Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
