Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
