my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
