Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
