How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
