Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
