She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
