Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
