I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
