We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize