Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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