i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
