There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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