Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
