That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
