ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I died a long time ago.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize