id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
