Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
