i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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