Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
