So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
