I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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