I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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