I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
