I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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