so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
