I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Even my vagina gasped.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
