my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
