My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize