I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
