You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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