Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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