yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
