Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
