I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FUCK WHALES
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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