Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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