He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
