His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
