And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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