there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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