Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize