So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
