I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize