I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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