I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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