He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
