I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
