Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish I only lived at night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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