Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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