I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
