So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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