they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
