If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
