I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
