epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
