Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
