a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
