I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
