I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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