It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
