I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
