This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
