Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
