Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize