You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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