It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
