They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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