Do you still have your period?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
