Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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