Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
