I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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